


Fists of black and blue

by RiverTron



Series: FOBAB [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gay, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jared is too for a little, Larry's a dick, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tree Bros, Treebros, i just deleted all my tags oml im angry, idk - Freeform, im trying, okay, uhg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-04-29 11:44:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 7,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14472069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiverTron/pseuds/RiverTron
Summary: When Evan stumbles across Connor Murphy punching his locker he didn't know what to do, so he did the logical thing and fell in love with him.OrEvan finds Connor punching his locker and craziness ensues





	1. Can you not punch my locker? great, thanks!

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go with another fic!! And uploaded from my computer!!! wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwoooooooooooowwwwwwwwww

It's not that Evan meant to notice Connor Murphy.

I mean, yes, Evan did notice Connor from time to time and mostly just passed him in the hall as Connor repeatedly punched his fist against some poor soul's locker.

This time it just happened to be Evans locker Connor was punching. It wasn't like Evan needed anything out of his locker at the time since he had only left his AP English class to go to the bathroom, but he couldn't help pausing at seeing Connor punching _his_ locker. The number 378 taunting him. Evan shuffled behind Connor awkwardly, knowing the other teen couldn't hear him over the loud _**BANG**_ of skin hitting hollow metal. "Uh...Excuse me?" Evan said weakly, Connor didn't seem to hear him, that's when Evan noticed Connor wasn't even looking at anything.

Connor's eyes were unfocused and red, like someone had repeatedly rubbed them. Evan shakily lifted his hand and tapped Connor's shoulder.

Bad move.

Connor whipped around so fast that Evan didn't have time to regret his decision before Connor was taking angry steps towards him. Evan noticed Connor's mouth moving and realized he should stop freaking out and listen. So he did. "Why the _fuck_ did _you_ touch me?!" the taller boy demanded to know, his body stiff and tense. "Uh. I was just. I just. You were punching a locker and I just thought I should uh....stop you? Im not trying to be rude! God, I'm sorry I sounded really rude It's just...that's my locker..." Evan trailed off after whispering a soft "Sorry'.

Connor blinked at him, running a hand through his hair in irritation, Evan couldn't help but notice how it fell right back where it used to be. Not that Evan looked at Connor's hair. "Did you need something from it?" Connor asked, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "No..not really but uh I just...didn't want you to hurt yourself?" Evan spoke hesitantly, like he wasn't sure Connor would want to hear him say that.

Connor's mind was reeling, this stuttering mess of a teenage boy was the first person to ever tell him that he didn't want Connor to hurt himself. _huh._

"...no one's signed your cast" Connor noted, desperate to change the subject. His eyes were now focused on the blank cast on Evans left arm. Evan's eyes flickered down to the cast, glaring at it like it had insulted his mother. "Yeah...uh...I know." He said softly. Sadly. "Well, I'll sign it." He said, watching as fear filled Evan's eyes.

He resisted the urge to just storm off, he felt the anger he had been feeling all morning come back. _Why would he want to let you sign his cast, why would you even ask. You think he wants some **freak's** name on his arm for months?! _his mind provided. Connor tried not to let the anger seep back into his eyes, he felt his fingers twitch with the need to hit Evan's locker again. He just barely missed the small "You...You don't have to." from the anxious teen. Connor then realized, Evan was not afraid of Connor.

He was afraid Connor would regret signing it.

"Do you have a sharpie?" Connor asked, taking another step forwards. Evan reached into his back pocket and handed a black sharpie to Connor. Connor uncapped it quickly and grabbed Evan's cast without thinking, causing Evan to let out a small "ow". Connor looked at him before going back to the cast. He began to write, only noticing how large the writing was after he had signed it.

"Oh..great...thanks" Evan said as he looked at the writing on his cast. It was huge, like he was claiming something...

"Yeah, well, now we can both pretend to have friends" Connor said before walking away. The locker bent and his hand purple.


	2. Dude, what happened to your locker?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Evan talk, Connor and Evan talk, everyone just talks

"Dude what the fuck?" Were the first words Evan heard as he began to walk out of school a few minutes after the bell rang. Evan didn't like crowds, so he usually waited for a few minutes after the bell rang to leave to avoid them. Now, looking at Jared in the nearly empty hallway, he feels more stressed then he is when he's in crowds.

 _He's staring at your locker_ his mind notes and he vaguely hears himself think  _no shit._

"Uh-what?" He asked, realizing he had been suspiciously quiet for way too long. "Dude, what happened to your locker?! It's bent and the lock is broken!" Jared exclaimed, motioning to the locker. 

The locker is, in fact, bent. The combination lock hanging on by a thread, Evan hadn't thought to check the locker after Connor had left. His mind kept replaying  _"now we can both pretend we have friends"_ over and over again in his mind. 

He hadn't been able to think of anything else for the rest of the day, nearly having a panic attack when the teacher had called on him while he was staring off into space thinking about it.

Another thought had come to Evan in the hours after the encounter in the hall why _do we have to pretend to be friends?_ he thought. Then he remembered that no one really wanted to be around him. Not even Jared, who he'd known for years.

"I think someone tried to break into your locker. Did you piss someone off or something?" Jared asked, it took Evan a second to remember that Jared was talking to him an now expecting an answer. 

"What- I uh- no?" Evan stuttered, it sounded like a question because he didn't know if it was true. Had he pissed Connor off?

His hand reached over and unconsciously touched the large signature that had been signed over his cast in all caps.

 _ **CONNOR**_ it read, like it was taunting him. Sadly, Jared followed Evans eyes and they landed on his cast for the first time since that same morning when he had told Jared about "falling".

"...dude, again, what the fuck." Jared said, grabbing Evans cast and tugging it towards him much like Connor had done. Only, Jared didn't look at him to make sure he was okay when he muttered out a weak "ouch".

"Connor," he read aloud, like he couldn't believe it. "As in, Connor Murphy. School psychopath? The school shooter? The  _freak?!_ " He said, his voice rasing to almost a shout. 

"..does...does it really matter?" Evan asked as he pulled the cast away "he signed my cast, so what?" He ended his statement with, crossing his arm over the cast to self-consciously cover the name.

"Evan. He's fucking insane? Like," Jared paused to twirl his finger next to his ear to indicate 'crazy', as if Connor was watching them.

"H-Hes really not?" Evan didn't know why he was defending Connor, especially when now he would have to buy a new combination lock and have to explain to the principal why his locker was bent. 

"He threw a fucking printer in second grade." Jared pointed out as he stared at Evan like he couldn't believe Evan wasn't agreeing with him on this. Like Evan had said beef was from a chicken. 

Evan opened his mouth to respond but jumped when a hand clamped down on his shoulder. "Hansen. A word" Connors voice sounded from behind him. 

"Connor! Didn't see you this morning! Loving the new hair length! Very school shooter chic!" Jared exclaimed, wrapping an arm around Connor. 

But Connor wasn't laughing. Connor wasnt glaring. He was staring at Jared coldly, like he had absolutely no emotions.

"It..was a joke? You're supposed to laugh.." Jared said, slowly taking his arm away and backing off a bit. 

"Oh I'm laughing can't you tell? And I not laughing  _hard enough for you?"_ Connor said, anger returning to his voice as he took a threatening step forward.

"You're such a freak" Jared saidz adding a slightly nervous laugh before heading to the exit, not waiting for Evan.

Evan coughed, trying to get Connors attention to continue on what he wanted to talk about. Connor's angry gaze shifted to him

"What the fuck are you laughing at." 

"What- I'm not- I wasn't"

" _stop fucking laughing"_

"I wasnt- I just"

"You think I'm a freak?!"

"No-no I didn't say-"

" ** _You're the fucking freak!"_**

And then Evan was being pushed, hard, into his own locker. He heard the slam of metal and registered the pain in his back. 

"Shit." He heard someone swear, it took him a few seconds to recognize it was Connor who was speaking. 

"Look-I- are you okay?" Connor asked hesitantly, Evan looked at him. He noticed the retreat and guilt slowly filling his eyes. 

"Yeah, I wasn't... I wasn't laughing at you." Evan tried to explain, moving away from the dented metal of his locker. 

"I know, at least I think I do? Fuck, I'm no good at this. Look. Do you...god. do you want to come over? My parents will be happy I made a friend and maybe will get off my fucking back" he growled and ran a hand through his hair again. 

"I...Okay, yeah, sure" Evan said and fidgeted with the helm of his shirt. That's how he ended up in the passengers seat of Connors beat up car. 

This was going to be an adventure. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone who ever reads this shit?? Uh  
> My Kik is: That_One_Birdy if anyone wants to talk to me about random shit? Probably not but whateverz


	3. Nice to meet you, we're the Murphy family!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan meets Connor's family

Evan expected the Murphy's house to be big. 

He noticed the clothes Zoe wore to school,name brand and expensive. He had been noticing her for a while now and that included her clothes.  Sadly, Evan never talked to Zoe much. It's not like he didn't like Zoe,it was quite the opposite until at the end of the year before his current one. 

It's not that Zoe wasn't wonderful, she was. She was in Jazz band, had amazing grades, always wore the most beautiful smile, did her hair perfectly, and didn't judge Evan for his social anxiety and his friendless life. 

Evan just realized that she was more then that. She wasn't just a friendly face. He thinks part of himself liked her because she was one of the only people who didn't tease him for that. 

But now as Connor rolled into the driveway, his bent and broken car next to the shiny and expensive ones, Zoe was the last thing on his mind. 

Evan waited until Connor had shifted the gear into park before unbuckling his seat belt and slowly opening the car door. He made sure to close it but not slam it as he often did with cars when he was nervous. 

Evan looked over at Connor as he heard the man sigh, almost like he was preparing himself for something. "Just a warning Hansen, my parents will question you a lot." He said as he began to hide a small baggy that he guessed held weed.

Evan paused, he expected questions, but not lots of them. "...Why?" He asked as he followed Connor up the stairs to the Murphy's porch. 

"I dunno. They probably want to make sure you're not a stoner." Connor said and shrugged, shaking the small baggy for emphasis before stuffing it back into his back pocket. 

Evan shifted his weight to his left foot as Connor punched in a code at the door and stepped inside. "Security settings. Larry wants to make sure no one tries to break in and take all of his nothing." Connor said. "I mean seriously, the decor in this house is the worst I've ever seen." He said and flicked an ugly painted glass egg as if it was the devil.

 Connor led Evan into a large room, a dinning table set in the middle of it. Evan placed his hand on the table, not wood, but wood stained. Evan nodded at it in approval before sitting down beside Connor on a tall, fancy chair. 

Just then Zoe walked in, carrying what looked to be a guitar case. "...Evan? Hey, what are you doing here?" She asked, dropping her back pack to the floor and gently setting the case down next to it. 

Evan looked at Zoe, her hair was down but slightly curled at the ends, little bits of it stood up at the top from the winds of the car with the window rolled down. "I uh...im.." Evan stuttered, his hands intertwining with the helm of his shirt. 

"He's here because he's my friend." Connor said coldly, suddenly very interested in his reflection in the shiny table. "Bullshit." Zoe hissed before turning her attention back to Evan "is he forcing you here or something? Did he like, threaten you?" She questioned. 

Evan shook his head before realizing she probably wanted a verible response. "No...He's...Connor isn't forcing...forcing me.. we're friends.." he said quietly. Zoe paused before turning her attention back to Connor "...fine. Mom and dad are coming now, they just needed to get the bags." She explained.

"You mean call the servants to get the bags, Cynthia and Larry don't do shit for themselves." Connor corrected and glared at his sister.  _"Mom_ and  _dad_ will be in soon." She hissed, glaring right back at him.

"Whatever. Fuck you." Connor growled under his breath and shrunk back into his seat. The rustling of bags were heard as a few people in stained outfits walked in, walking behind them were Cynthia and Larry Murphy. Like Connor had said, not carrying a thing.

"Oh! Mom, Dad, this is Evan.  _Connor's friend"_ Zoe spit out with fake enthusiasm. Evan shrunk back into his seat as Connor bursted out of his.

"What the  _fuck_ is that supposed to mean?!" He roared, his fists clenched tightly at his sides and shaking slightly. "Calm the fuck down. I was just introducing Evan." Zoe growled and glared at him, Evan noticed the fear that coated her eyes. 

"Yeah well, learn to be less bitchy about it next time." He said and took his seat again, his clenched fists not unclenching. 

Zoe didn't respond, so Cynthia gave a polite smile. "Nice to meet you Evan..." She trailed off. "Hansen." Connor filled in. "Your mother was asking Evan." Larry piped up from looking in the bags for a specific item. Evan noticed Connor's fists shake more. 

 "Well it's very nice to meet you Evan" Cynthia said, slipping on a fake and tired smile. "I wasn't aware Connor had friends. Tell me, Evan Hansen, have you ever done drugs? If so I can see what you and my son have in common." Larry said, his tone cold and cutting. 

"No I uhm...I've never done drugs" Evan muttered as Connor raised one of his clenched fists to tug at his hair. Larry noticed this and made a small "tch" sound. "You should cut it short." He said simply. "you should fuck off." Connor shot back.

"Would you like to stay for dinner Evan?" Larry asked, seemingly ignoring Connors comment to him. "I uh...ill have to ask my mom." He whispered. "why not your father? Or is he at work?" Cynthia asked.

Evan froze before looking away from them "my uh...my dad...left when I was 7 so..." He said, trailing off. He hadn't thought about his dad in a long time. But now...

"Oh I'm sorry dear..i didn't know." She whispered, moving over and placing a hand on Evans shoulder. "it's okay! I uh, don't talk about him much so uh..yeah" he said and took out his off brand and old cellphone, he didn't miss the way Larry wrinkled his nose at it.

' _Hey mom, is it ojay if I spwnd dinner with my fiends family?'_

 _'_ **of course honey! I'm proud you're making friends! I love you <3'**

Well this will certainly be fun. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oliver stop fucking reading my shit   
> fixed some minor spelling errors  
> The spelling errors in Evans text is intentional   
> Thank you for reading!!!


	4. Your hand is bleeding!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan and Connor talk, Evan has a flashback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Blood, panic attacks

Evan didn’t know what to do in this situation.

I mean, what are you supposed to do when you have an angry Connor Murphy repeatedly punching the wall of his bedroom. “You uh-punch things a lot.” He commented, because he didn’t know what else to do. “Yeah. It’s better then punching people. Like. Stupid. Fucking. Larry!” He yelled, punching the wall after each word. 

“Yeah- I mean- I don’t punch things but I uh- get it.” Evan stuttered out, bringing his lips up to his mouth and gnawing on one of the already bitten down nails. “What  _do_ you do then?” Connor asked as he finally turned away from the cracked wall to look at Evan. Evan pulled his fingers away. “I-uh-I scream? Like uh- my mom- she tries she really does but sometimes...she’s not there when I need her to be so its very frustrating so instead of screaming at her I scream into a pillow?” He said in a rush.

Connor paused before barking out a laugh “Huh...I wouln’t take you for the type to want to scream at your mom.” He said. “Well I take you for the type to want to punch your dad.” Evan shot back before realizing what he had said. “Oh my god that was so mean I’m so sorry Connor-“ He was cut off by Connor bursting into loud laughter.

Connor chuckled and looked at him “I never asked, how’d you break your arm?” He asked and walked closer. Evan looked down at his cast “Oh-I uh-fell out of a tree actually.” He whispered, placing a hand on his cast. “You fell out of a tree? Well isn’t that just the saddest fucking thing Ive ever heard.” Connor said, a smaller playing on his cracked lips. Not that Evan paid attention to his lips. 

“Yeah-when I told Jared he-uh- called me an acorn” Evan laughed and looked at Connor finally. Connor scowled. “Kleinmen’s a dick.” He said and rolled his eyes. Evan couldn’t help but agree.

”Look...about your dad, if you ever need to...talk about him or uh, anything really, I’m here or whatever.” Connor said and picked at his black nails. Evan was surprised. He didn’t think Connor was a bad person, that’s not why he was surprised. 

He was surprised anyone cared to tell him this.

”...Thank you Connor, I’m...I’m here too if you ever need to talk.” Evan said softly, placing a shaky hand on Connors stiff shoulders. Connor seemed to relax under the touch. “Alright! No more mushy shit about shitty dads!” Connor said, taking Evans phone and putting his number in it under “ConArtist”. Evan thought it was clever.

Evan glanced at Connors hands. “...You’re- uh- you’re bleeding.” Evan said in a panic, getting off Connors red sheets to go into his backpack, grabbing a first aid kit out of the front pouch. “Why the fuck do you have a first aid kit in your bag?” Connor asked as he watched Evan open it.

Evan took out a few things to clean the wound as well as some bandages to wrap up his hand. “Jared gets hurt a lot, he’s very clumsy. He also has a bad rep with the nurse.” He explained and gently grabbed Connors hand in his own. He hoped his hands weren’t sweaty. 

Connor watched as Evan began to unwrap the alcohol wipes. “This- This uh- This will sting a bit okay?” Evan asked, Connor huffed in response. Evan began to gently wipe the wound, hearing Connor hiss in pain and try not to pull his hand away. Evan tried to sooth him, not even realizing he was humming softly until he finished wrapping Connor’s hand. 

“Thanks...” Connor muttered after a little bit, Evan dropped his hand and smiled at him “You’re welcome!” He said and packed up the first aid kit and put it back into his bag. He never told Connor he took it to school because his mom made him.

A few years ago Evan had a panic attack. It wasn’t unnatural for him, but it got out of hand. It lasted longer then any he had had. Evan, in panic, had punched one of the school mirrors. He had gotten glass everywhere, including his hand. he hadn’t gone to the nurse. Jared had found him a few hours later,  sobbing in a corner while clutching his bleeding hand to his chest.

But Evan couldn’t tell Connor that, Connor would think he was a freak.

He couldn’t risk loosing the only friend he had in years.

”Connor, Zoe, Evan, Dinner!!!” Cynthia called from downstairs, snapping Evan out of his memory. 

“Time for hell, Hansen.” Connor said as he led Evan out of the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this! Sorry it’s shorter than usual I’m in school writing this on a time limit!!!


	5. Dinner with the Murphy's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan has dinner with the Murphy's, of course it goes south

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we start i want to thank anyone who commented and told me about their own personal experiences with the stuff I've been going through. It means a lot to me. As you can see I deleted the parts as I don't want them to just sit in the middle of this story.   
> Without further ado, here's the next chapter!!
> 
> Trigger warnings:Homophobic slurr in this one! Reference to self harm, reference to hospitalization, drug reference

Evan didn't know what the tension at the table was caused by. 

He felt it as soon as everyone had sat together, even as Zoe began to happily discuss her next Jazz Band concert there was a slight tension in the big dinning room.

Evan only noticed it was Connor when he got up to grab more napkins after Evan sheepishly explained that he had forgotten to grab one.

The table seemed to shift when Connor wasn't there, Zoe was talking easily, Cynthia was smiling, and even Larry, who had been silent the whole time, was talking. 

Evan didn't think it was fair.

Why couldn't Connor be in on this? Why couldn't Connor see Cynthia's smile, or Zoe's laugh, or hear Larry's jokes?

Of course Evan didn't say anything, that would be rude, and Evan had learned over the years that being silent makes you invisible, and when you're invisible you can't mess up.

Evan was silent a lot.

The horribly suffocating tension returned when Connor did, he reached across Zoe to hand Evan his napkin. 

Zoe flinched. Connor noticed. 

"So, Evan, what do you like?" Larry asked, his joke forgotten and his voice back to being cold. "what do I uh-like? Well uh-trees? Or just uh...plants in general" he said and gestured vaguely.

Larry nodded, Cynthia offered a fake smile. Evan took it and offered a shaky one in return. Like some sort of non-smile trade off.

Evan forced down another bite of the bland food and tried not to gag, he didn't want to be rude. 

He tried to wait 10 seconds before taking a sip of his water so it didbt look like he hated it as much as he did. 

Zoe broke the silence first "Are you sure you two are friends?" She asked. Connor glared. "Could you mind your own fucking business for two seconds Zoe?" He said in a mock-sweet voice. 

"Language." Larry corrected and looked over at Connor "you cannot act like this in college, swearing and doing whatever the f-" he stopped "whatever the faggots are doing these days" he said. 

"In case you forgot Larry, I'm gay." Connor stated, Evan nearly choked. "So I want you to stop being a dick." He continued. "Connor-" Cynthia tried, Connor stood up. "Fuck this!! Fuck you!" He yelled. 

No one knew who Connor was talking about, Evan hoped it wasn't him. "It's not fair that I have to just sit back and let Larry be a dick because he's my "dad", when really he hasn't said the words "I love you" to me since I was 8!" He roared.

"I love you Connor! Is that what you want?! You're so attention starved that you feel the need to ruin dinner for everyone just to get some attention?! If that's the case, why don't we check you back into the hospital!" Larry roared, also standing up.

"Honey-"

"Or maybe we can get you doped up on pills! Not that that's any different then any other day!"

"Larry!!" Cynthia screeched, tears were pouring down her face and her makeup was running, Evan looked around. Zoe was gone. 

Connor was staring blankly ahead as his parents began to argue again, they argued like Connor wasn't there. It reminded Evan of his dad.

Evan slowly stood up, trying to make as little noise as possible. He placed a hand on Connor's shoulder "are you okay..?" He whispered. 

"C'mon." Connor said and grabbed Evans wrist, tugging him towards the front door. "Where are we going?" He asked. "You said you liked trees right? I know a place with lots of them" he said and gave Evan an unsure smile.

Evan smiled brightly in return "I trust you then" he said. 

Connor and Evan walked out the front door, ignoring Larry and Cynthia's yells to come back. 

Evan moved his hand down to hold Connors in a daring move. Connor didn't pull away. Evan squeezed his hand, and then everything was still.

Then Connor squeezed back, and everything's okay. 


	6. The Orchard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Evan see some treeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssss

Evan didn’t know where Connor was taking him if he was being completely honest.

Connor hadn’t spoken since they entered his car, but he hadn’t dropped Evans hand either. Evan could feel his hand getting sweaty and desperately wanted to wipe it on his jeans, but that would mean letting go of Connor’s hand and Connor still seemed mad and sadly used Evans hand as a stress ball.

Evan paused when Connor gave a particularly hard squeeze, Connor’s eyes were focused on the road. His hand in Evans squeezed and unsqeezed and his grip on the strewing wheel never left from being white knuckled and tense. Evan looked down at Connor’s hand in his own, the bruised hand that he punched with. 

Evan took a chance and ran his thumb over his bruised and bandaged knuckles lightly, not adding any pressure but adding a reminder that Evan was here. Connor’s steering wheel grip lessened. Evan smiled at him.

Connor had taken a left onto an old dirt road with overgrown grass and weeds, beyond that were apple trees. Evan instantly began to bounce his leg, anxious to get out of Connor’s old truck and run to one of them. Connor finally had parked the car somewhere down the line, Evan was too mesmerized to remember the route they had taken.

Connor seemed to hesitate before letting go of Evan’s hand and taking the keys out. He opened the door and stepped out, Evan followed his lead. The walked awhile and talked about the thing’s they’ll do when they get out of school.

”I want to learn to sail, i like boats.” Connor admitted and he picked up a rotten apple and chucked it into the overgrown field. “We’re gonna have so many ticks on us.” Evan said as they made it to the middle of the yellow field. “Probably, hey, who do you like? I mean, you have to have a crush right?” Connor asked, turning to face Evan.

Evan froze. He coudn’t tell Connor that he has-no- used to have a crush on his sister can he? He trusted Connor through. Evan coughed “F-Funny story actually, I uh-I used to like Zoe” He said and chuckled.

”...You...what?” Connor asked, stopping and turning to Evan “You like Zoe?!” He yelled, he seemed angry. Evan had to convince himself not to run. “I  _use_ to like Zoe” He explained, “Then I realized I just liked the idea of her...someone kind and smart and pretty to like” He explained.

”Yeah, I get it, like how I feel about you? That you’re kind and smart and pretty, but the difference between the situation with you and Zoe and me and you is that you’re good enough for Zoe and I can’t even compare to be good enough for you Hansen.” Connor said in a rush befre freezing. “Shit.” He cursed.

Everything was still, Evan was frozen. Connor  _liked_ him. Connor thought he wasn’t good enoug for Evan.  _Connor called Evan pretty_ _._ Evan whipped around to where Connor was standing, he grabbed the front of Connors sweater and pulled him down, connecting their lips.

Connor tasted like strawberry’s and weed. Evan was surprised he loved the combination, but he was grasping onto Connor and tugging gently at his hair like he was going to disappear. Connor’s hands found Evan’s waist and tugged him closer, humming softly.

Evan broke the kiss first, slowly disconnecting their lips and panting softly. “Don’t say that. Don’t say those things.You’re good enough, you’re so good and I’m not and you could do better but here you are.” Evan whispered. “Here I am.” Connor repeated,cupping Evans cheek. “You were wrong about one thing. You’re also good enough. You’re amazing” He whispered.

All they saw was sky, for forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was so short, once again I’m in school writing this on a time limit


	7. You kissed Connor Murphy?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Evan talk about the orchard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: hints to self harm, Jared, hints to "Connor popping Evans cherry" (virginity)

Monday morning was an amazing day for Evan. 

Usually Evan dreaded Mondays, everyone seemed tired and more pissed off than any other day of the week. Evan could understand why, Mondays sucked.

Evan glanced at Connor from where he stood, it was 90° that day and Connor was wearing long sleeves. He told Evan it was for "aesthetic reasons" but Evan knew it was something else.

Evan could tell by the way Connor's eyes had widened and he hesitated, trying to find some excuse to tell Evan about why he  _was_ wearing a black, long sleeved shirt. 

Jared was at Evans locker before Evan was. 

Connor seemed to hesitate again as they neared the broken locker. Jared, not caring about Connor standing next to Evan, gestured to the locker.

"Any plan to get this fixed?" He asked and slammed a palm into it to emphasize his point. Evan jumped at the sound and Connor took a protective step forward.

Jared, noticing this,let an evil smirk find it's way onto his face. "Ev, Evan, Evy-kins, may I talk to you in private?" He cooed to him. Evan gulped.

Connor was asked to stay behind as Jared led Evan a few yards down the still busy hallway. "Mind telling me why Murphy looked ready to actually kill me when I scared you?" He asked and raised an eyebrow.

"I-Uh-I dunno. Why don't you ask him yourself?" Evan said quickly quickly, trying to play it off like nothing had ever happened. Jared clicked his tongue "Evan Hansen, I know when you're lying. What would your mother say?" He joked and placed his hand on his chest dramatically.

"Plus, Murphy won't tell me shit" Jared continued, "so you have to fill me in" he finished, tapping a finger on Evans nose. A boop.

"Nothing happened!" Evan said and crossed his arms, his cheeks heating up and betraying his lie. 

Jared paused. 

"Oh my god. Oh my god, Evan did you and Connor fu-" he started excitedly. "Jared no-" he tried to cut off. "I can't believe Connor Murphy popped Evans cherry!!!" Jared exclaimed and laughed. 

"It wasn't like that okay- we just- we just kissed!" He exclaimed. 

There was a beat of silence and then

"Oh my god."

"Crap"

"Evan. You kissed Connor Murphy?!"

"I uh- maybe? I can't remember who kissed who really but uh- we definitely kissed" 

Jared burted out into loud laughter "I can't believe this!! Where did it happen?!" He exclaimed. 

"Uh- well he took me to this apple orchard-" Evan started, Jared smirked "hot. Told him about your tree kink!" He exclaimed. Evan glared.

"And we talked and uh..yeah...we just kissed." He said and tugged at the helm of his shirt nervously. 

"My god, Evan. I can't believe you got kissed by a drug dealer!" 

"Connor is  _not_ a drug dealer!"

"Then why is he acting so weird today, like he's got something to hide?"

Evan couldn't answer that, though he knew Connor would never sell drugs he did know his boyfriend (are they dating?) was hiding something from him. 

It must have something to do with that damn black long sleeved shirt. 

Now all Evan had to do was figure out how to get Connor to take it off. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! <3  
> What could Connor be hiding??


	8. Battle wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this but forgot to save and now I'm screaming.  
> Trigger warnings: Self harm, graphic depiction of self harm

Evan found Connor punching his locker after third peroid ended. 

The already bent metal of Evans locker was screaming as Connor rammed his injured fist into the locker. People chose to ignore it. 

Evan on the other hand, didn't. He ran over to his bent locker and stood in front of Connor. 

Connor's fist paused halfway from Evans nose and sighed. "you can't do that, I almost hit you." He felt the need to remind Evan. 

Evan shook his head dismissively. "I thought we talked about the locker thing...we agreed-" he started, effectively getting cut off as Connor raised his palm to stop him. "You talked. I listened. No agreements were made whatsoever" Connor stated.

"Wha- uh- why are you acting so weird?" Evan asked in a rush, his hand reaching up to his mouth to gnaw on his nail. Connor ran a hand, the uninjured one, through his hair. "I have no idea what you're talking about." He said simply and shrugged. 

Evan opened his mouth to respond but jumped instead when the bell rang through the almost empty hallway. Grabbing Connor's wrist, he began to tug Connor in the direction of his neck class.

Connor let out a hiss of pain. Evan stopped. 

Oh.  _Oh._

 _"_ Connor, let me see your arms." Evan whisper as he turned to face him, his eyes full of worry and sadness. Connor shook his head in a weak attempt to reject Evan's command. 

Evan sighed. "Connor please." Hd whispered. Connor noticed Evan wasn't stuttering. He rolled up his sleeves. 

Evan wanted to puke. 

There, over white and healed scars were red and bleeding ones. Blood was smeared up and down Connor's arm and the longest one went from the bottom of his wrist to halfway up his arm. 

Evan let out a shaky breath as tears filled his worried eyes. He shrugged off his back pack and opened the front pocket, revealing the first aid kit he had used to wrap up Connor's hand.

Connor was silent as Evan worked on his arm, watching as Evan tried to make sure there was as less pain as possible. When he had successfully wrapped up one arm he looked up at Connor. 

"Other arm." He whispered. Connor rolled his other sleeve up. 

The other arm wasn't as bad and almost looked rushed and shaky, Evan didn't ask why and began to clean and bandage that one as well. 

They stood in silence, very awkward silence. 

It was broken by a sniffle.

Then a sob. 

"Oh no, Evan please don't-don't cry okay? Im alright! I'm alive see?" He said and put his fingers under Evans chin, tilting is head up so Evan was looking at him.

"B-But what if you died Connor, wh-what would I do? Connor I-I was so scared." Evan sobbed, the Sutter returning. 

"They weren't deep enough to kill me trust me I know" Connor said, that definitely didn't help as Evans sobs only grew louder. 

Connor wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and tucked him safely under his chin. Connor could only watch as Evans shoulders shook because of what Connor had done. 

"When...Before..Before we met I was a ranger at a park." Evan started and looked up at Connor. "I was so alone. I was so scared. I found the highest tree there, a 40 foot oak, and climbed it. I climbed so high. I climbed and I climbed. Then I reached the top and realized I didn't want to get down. So...S-So I....I l-let go, I let go and fell and tried to die but only ended up with a cast and some scars on my back." He said, his voice dripping with self deprecation Connor knew all too well. 

"Hey." Connor said softly, "they're battle scars. Falling out of a 40 foot tree and surviving? Thats pretty badass Hansen." He joked. Evan laughed and lifted one of Connor's arms. "Then these are battle scars too. Okay?" He asked. 

"Okay."

 


	9. When Jared Set A Fire And Got Suspended

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...  
>  Trigger warning: Yelling, Fires

After the battle scars conversation Connor and Evan both walked to their next class, AP Bio. Evan noticed that Connor took almost all AP classes and silently wondered how some people thought he was dumb. 

Sometime during the walk through the hall Connor bravely took Evan's hand, Evan smiled at the gesture before mentally freaking out if his palms were sweaty. 

Evan didn't dare pull away though, just like the day in the car, if Connor wanted to hold hands then they would hold hands.

People didn't really stop and stare at their hands, a few glances but other than that no one paired them any mind. At the end of the hall stood Alana Beck, she was excitedly talking to some jock who didn't seem to be listening to what she had to say. 

"Oh! For number three I got-" Alana was cut off as the jock called out to one of his friends and walked away from her, Evan noticed her body deflate. "What-uh- What did you get for number three?" Evan spoke up. 

Evan was happy to see the light return to Alana's eyes again as she excitedly talked about the answers on a test in a class Evan didn't take, none of that mattered as he sat and listened to what Alana had to say. 

Connor tugged on Evan's hand, obviously wanting to leave already and get out of the boring conversation but Evan was just fine talking to Alana. Or well, listening to Alana talk. 

Just then a scram rang out from the AP Bio class Connor and Evan had previously been heading to, the scream sounded scared and high pitched. Alana stopped in the middle of a sentence for once and rushed towards it, Connor and Evan not close behind him. 

As they entered the class the first thing they noticed was everyone scrambling out through the back of the class, the second thing they noticed was a stack of papers lit aflame in the middle of the room with the teacher and Jared desperately trying to put them out.

Connor paused before exiting the class, Evan and Alana were mentally freaking out as they watched the scene unfold, what do they do?!

"W-Water?!"

"It's too large already!" Alana exclaimed as she ran out of the room to pull a nearby fire alarm.

Just then Connor calmly walked back in with a fire extinguisher, handing it to the freaked out teacher and sanding by Evan as the teacher extinguished the flame. 

"Jared Kleinman, I understand what you did was an accident and I'm trying very hard not to yell at you but  _please_ go to the main office after everyone is allowed back in the building." The teacher said through gritted teeth as other staff led the school into the soccer field. 

The teacher turned his attention to Connor, "thank you Mr. Murphy for grabbing the fire extinguisher," and then to Alana "and thank you Ms.Beck for pulling the fire alarm." He said. "But now, please leave the building before you three get in trouble" he said simply. 

Evan blindly reached for Connor's hand before realizing Connor had already left and the third person the teacher was referring to was, in fact Jared Kleinman. 

Evan glanced out of the window behind the teacher and realized Connor was already outside with the rest of the school, beside Connor were three jocks, one of them being the one Alana was talking about.

Evan watched as the jocks stepped closer and their mouths curved into smirks as they taunted his boyfriend. One of the jocks said something that made Connor's eye twitch.

Then suddenly the jock was on the floor, his nose bloody and at a wrird angle and Evan could hear the sickening sound of cracking before he saw Connor's anger crumble as he clutched his hand, hissing in pain.

Then Evan was running outside, Alana and Jared behind him. 


	10. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Evan love each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna thank everyone!!! As I finally hit 1000 hits and 100 kudos!! I never thought I would make it this far!!!  
> Trigger warnings: fights, blood, Flufffff, mention of self harm, mention of Panic attacks, mention of fights, slight homophobia

Evan rushed outside just as the jock stood up, bloody nose still gushing and punched Connor right back. Connor stumbled back and looked at his hand, his fingers, already bruised and still bandaged, were bent in abnormal angles. Connor seemed to know better than to throw another punch.

The teacher from the fire room, Mr. Heree Evan's mind supplied, grabbed the jocks arms. "Now now, there is no need to fight. C'mon" he said gently, like trying to calm a crying child, and led the jock away. 

That's when Jared laughed.

Jared walked over and wrapped an arm around Connor's shoulders, dragging Connor down to his height. "That was amazing Murphy, not doubting your skills, but why punch the prick? What'd he say?" He asked.

Connor rolled his eyes, a smile playing at his lips and his tone light and joking "that's none of your business!" He said. 

The joking smile left his face as Zoe approached. "You're... absolutely insane. But...what he said was very...rude..so...thanks." she muttered and gasped when she saw Connor's fingers. " _Connor,_ your fingers are broken!!" She shrieked. 

Connor just waved her off with his good hand before turning his attention to Evan. "Hey Ev, think you can fix these with your first aid?" He joked, he didn't miss the way Jared's face fell at the mention of the first aid but didn't question it. 

 Evan smiled at Connor "maybe not, but you might get a cool cast, if so im signing it." He joked and gave an exaggerated wink to Connor. Jared make a fake gagging sound. 

"Ever eat bath bombs? They're better than this sickly sweet crap" he explained. Zoe and Alana shared a look and then went "... what the actual hell" in perfect unison. 

* * *

 

 

Connor got three days of suspension and two days of detention for the fight, plus a beautiful purple cast on his fingers in which Evan had signed "evan hansen" in the tiniest writing possible, adding a big heart over his small name. 

It didn't take long for word to spread throughout the school about Connor and Evan's relationship, after the awkward meetings with both of the kid's parents everyone seemed completely fine with it.

Everyone except Larry.

"He'll just have to get over it!" Heidi had said confidently as she sipped her diet soda, "I think you're amazing Connor and I'm happy to welcome you into our little family!"

Connor said there was something in his eye as he teared up at the words, Evan didn't believe him. 

Jared and Evan had talked about what happened throughout the years. Lets say it ended with both of them crying and hugging and watching Shrek (by choice of Jared Kleinman.)

Things between Zoe and Connor were rocky but Connor didn't expect a full time loving relationship with his sister after everything they've both been through, Zoe needed time and he wouldn't deny her of that.

Alana had been more Incorporated in the group than ever, even going as far as to call them her friends. That surprised everyone and no one hesitated to use the same word while talking about Alana to anyone else. 

There were still panic attacks, there were still fresh cuts on Connors arm every once in a while, there were still asshole moments from Jared, still fights between Connor and Zoe, still moments were Alana didn't feel included, but that was them. Things weren't going to instantly get better, they all knew that. 

But they were there for each other even when things were either so big

Or so small. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it guys!! I never planned on making this so many chapters but I'm glad you enjoyed. If you have any requests for any one shots plea text me on Kik at That_One_Birdy!!


	11. A/N

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick thing

Hey guys!! I'm thinking if rewriting this story, idk. It just seems pretty rushed to me since I didn't plan on it being so long and the writing is pretty shitty. I'll leave this version up simply for the people who enjoyed it and like this version (idk how). But my new version will probably be a one shot. It won't be out immediately as I do want to spend time on it!

I've been going through a lot recently and it's really nice that you guys leave such touching comments to someone you dont even know...

I trust you so I'll tell you a brief summary of what's doing on.  
I broke up with my girlfriend of two years a few days ago and it's taken a toll on me, I know it was for the best but of course im an emotional mess. My mom isn't doing so well at all and my family is basically in shambles.  
And I'm starting highschool soon!! YAAAAY!

So uh  
Yeah  
Thanks again to anyone who has read my stories and liked them!!!  
Love, RiverTron


	12. Another Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi again

The FOBAB remake will not be finished for a long time as I am going through a lot, my internet friends and I just parted ways so that was fun  
I uh...self harmed a few hours ago and had a panic attack so I'm still really tired. My therapist told my family as they are legally meant to do so, so I dunno if I will be grounded.

Thanks for you're kind comments!!


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